When I came to Germany, I was full of hopes of meeting new faces and finding and/or forming my own circle of friends. This was second to my agenda of learning the language to help myself get settled in. I did meet new faces and different kinds of people, but sad to say, I never got to form/find my own circle of "friends".
I found some organizations, met some Pinays, joined their get-togethers and cultural parties, but in the end, tinamad na ako sa group nila. I felt that I was pushing myself to them, not because "I was" but because they made me feel like an outsider. I didn't really feel true and warm acceptance from their side. I felt that, because I am mobile, flexible and never had hassles whenever we would meet, they just abused my friendliness to them. In the end, I felt like I was used. Therefore, I stopped communicating with them regularly. I still get invitations from them to parties, Gala Nights, bowling or dancing, mind you. Whereas before, i used to jump at every invitation, because of the reasons listed above, i rather decline the invites now.
More reasons why I don't associate with Pinays in Germany so much. . . .
Most of them are also hypocrites-Some of them pretend to be somebody, a character or a figment of their imagination. For example, they pretend to be contented and happily married. But one can see through the bitterness or hatred they have for others, that they are actually not. This I don't understand, how can one be happy and yet shows signs of "hang-ups"? I may be idealistic on this, but i do know and believe that if one person is happy, this "happiness" would be reflected in the way they deal with other people. Unless she is really a meany person.
Some seem to have this "abnormal ambition" of wanting to be always ahead of the others. Positive side, this motivates people to do better = acceptable. Negative side, how can one make "real friendship" with such a person?
Most of them are judgemental - i admit, i was almost the same before. I had the impression that these Filipinas married to Europeans are stupid, no-read-no- write girls picked up by the "whites" from the povinces on one of their excursion trips as souvenirs. Same thing with what the "opposite" to this types think now.
You know what?? I realized and this really made me do a full "turn" away from this opinion: These Pinays are actually "good Friend" materials. Once, they can trust and can confide in you, knowing that they will not be betrayed by talking behind their backs about their problems to other people, then they will definitely be loyal and true to you as well. Correct, one may not be able to communicate with them intellectually, but one can learn from their humble ways of dealing with life.
Most of them have this "Keeping up with the Jones'" attitude. This is something i have no patience for. I hate it when they come to my place, starts poking around, checking what I have for decorations or rug or just anything one can imagine. Next thing I know, I get invited to their place, and find that they also have the same stuffs as I have. It's like slapping the message: "I can also buy what you can afford" straight to your face. What do i care if they can afford it, but can't they have their own originality or identity? Or like when I thought i would have a complete make-over and try to live a "healthy and fit life", so i decided to register at a gym. Next thing I found out, two of them are also registered now in the same Fitness center where I go to. Okay, maybe they are also going through this phase in life, when one starts to really think about one's health and so on, and so fort...but immediately after I do it??? I can also be proud that I gave them motivation, but what the heck...whenever I find them there, they don't look like they are serious with what they are doing anyway. I feel like they just wanted to prove something to me. Whatever it is, i simply refuse to think about it!
The list is endless...but i think the picture should be quite clear now. The goal of "finding and establishing" my own circle of friends here in Germany is very unlikely to be succesful. Life is still fair in the end. I am lucky to find though, my "best friend" Tiptoes! We are so much alike, that we just immediately hit it off after the first meeting. We share almost the same opinion. We talk the same language and in the same level. We learn and discover things with fun together. We share about cooking, decorating our homes, go shopping together and just anything we could think of. Our most favorite passtime is staying at home, either her's or mine, and of course eat all the time...isn't life great?!?
Posted by missP at May 7, 2004 09:16 PMcge, cge you're right...since i've learned my lesson....and dala na din...i'll take R's advice...no comment is always safer.
Posted by: justice at May 12, 2004 12:56 AMhello miss p
pinag isipan ko matagal offer mo na tuyo kasi nahihiya po ako. kaya kakapalan ko na mukha ko kesa naman di ako makatikim ng tuyo. I WANT IT , as in ganon ako kahayok ngayon na matikman siya :-P sinusulat ko pa lang naglalaway na ako.
Di kaya ako i demada ng nachbar nyan sa amoy pag niluluto? :-P
check your mail, i sent my address there.
besos and thanks!!!
JING
Posted by: jing at May 11, 2004 08:08 PMnope, still here sa pinas... sinusubaybayan ang election... too early to tell what's gonna happen kaya eto, online muna habang tulog ang bossing ko... have a nice week!
Posted by: R at May 11, 2004 12:27 PM@Ayeza,
hi, ewan ko ba...i find it really sad. wala na yatang pag-asa mabago ang ganitong ugali ng Pilipino. . . have a nice week!
@hello Renee,
ang lucky mo naman. when i was in Belgium hindi ko rin na experience ito, kc i have my two sisters there with me, my cousins & my aunt and her family. i also come from a very close-knit family, like you, we also lived within walking distance from each other. kaya lang, here in germany, ang asawa ko lang ang kasama ko...he is a local national, kaya i really have to go out of my way to look for kapwa pinoys to befriend. anyway, i still hope i will find pinoys whp i can call "real friends".
i hope you will have a good week...thanks for dropping by.
@R,
hi, are you back from the Phils. already?anyway, parang "marriage" din siya. has to be two way, hindi lang one way...that's how i see it...ingatz!!!!
@SM
greetings from germany..hope all is well on your end! mmmhuaazzzz!!!
Hi MissP...just wanted to say hello and wish you a fine week :-)
Posted by: SM at May 11, 2004 02:36 AMamen! ako, i've always believed na friendship is like true love: kusa na lang dumadating, hindi hinahanap. mahirap kasi yung parang pinagpipilitan eh.
Posted by: R at May 10, 2004 03:14 PMThanks for the Mother's Day greeting! Hope your weekend went well!
I know how it feels to be in a foreign country with no friends to go out with. When I lived in the Netherlands with my Canadian ex-husband, I didn't really run into too many Filipinos. I guess I didn't have much time to go out anyway, with my 2-year-old to take care of back then. But now that I'm in Modesto, CA, my barkada is composed of my sisters and brother-in-law. Lorenzo (my present husband) comes from a very close-knit family, and his brothers and sister were all born within years of each other. We now have four households, all within five minutes from each other, so we are each other's support system! Because of this, I've never really had to look for companionship elsewhere!
Posted by: Renee at May 10, 2004 09:20 AMBakit nga ba ganyan ang "ibang" Pilipino? Instead of helping each other they are fighting against each other? walang pinag kaiba sa magulong mundo ng Politika.
galing nito hahay naalala ko na naman yung "ibang" pilipinong nakasalimuha ko noon at sadyang kinalimutan ko na ngayon. Ika nga nila dedma na lang!
Posted by: AYEZA at May 10, 2004 03:33 AMMissp dear! this is better ,i mean the font size/style~ cool sa eyes,hehe
Posted by: tiptoes at May 9, 2004 11:02 PM**hi SM,
yeah, it is really sad...sana someday mawala na ang ganitong pag u-ugali ng mag Pilipino na nand2 sa ibang bansa...take care yourself and have a great week ahead!!!
**hello Jing,
just to make the record straight, i'm not saying na lahat nga ganito ang ugali, but mostly are. unfortunately, hindi lang natin makikilala ang tao after one meeting, we each have to find out for ourselves kung dapat ba silang ituring na "tunay" na kaibigan...
sorry, i don't know any place where you can get dried fish there in Erfurt...but if you give me your address, i still have some spare tuyo from the philippines...i can send you some....if you like! have fun this week!
**ola tiptoes,
double bow nga ako eh, hehehe...talk to you sometime this week, okies?! regards to Uli and kisses to Saint!!!
Bow sistah! !i agree with jing,this is SOooo nice entry indeed,actually i have my own terminology for this kind of peeps
Posted by: tiptoes at May 8, 2004 11:52 PMHi Miss P,
I havent actually experienced yet the things you disclosed in this entry but I take it as a forewarning. However, basing from the way I have seen pinay expats featured on german television(like a sunday party group?), I have nothing against no read no write people, but I can see the Talanka mentality written all over their faces. Not that I hate pinays who were pokpok before they marry the WHITE, in fact i love mingling with them at the beaches because they always have interesting stoires to tell about their lives...pero minsan, pag nakatungtong na kalabaw, most cases ay, agad agad nakalimot sa pinangalingan. Wag sana pairalin ang ANGAS most of the time kasi baliktarin man ang mundo, mag bleach man ng balat, eh lalabas at lalabas pa rin ang tunay na kulay. Di ko naman kinkakhiya ang pagiging pinay ko, kaya lang di ko kailangan ma belong to a group kung saan pagpipiyestahan ako ng lait at panlilibak at pintas or kung saan may kumpetensiya. Kauri ko pa rin sila, thats my opinion, but i dont need to belong to a group without a cause :-) besides , I am a very private person who loves mingling with small but intimate group.
I love this entry, very honest.
I need help mga kapaitd... san ba makabili ng tuyo dito sa deutschland? Di ko feel ang anchovies na de lata. Takam na takam ako sa tuyo, the past few months. Di ako makahanap. Wala sa mga asian market.
yun lang and more power and will be visiting this site everyday.
take care
jing
Hi MissP...you have written exactly how I felt with my fellow pinoys here. I have experienced those things that you've enumerated. My most tragic experience was with my husband's own sister in law who's a pinay as well.
I've totally barricaded myself from them due to bad & sad experiences. Maybe someday I'll write about mine.
You or I do not have to 'fit in', because We are Who we are. I wish you all the strength and happiness there in germany. Take care.