TwEeThUmBsUp

sleepover

A colleague and I stayed over at another friend's place the other night. She has recently moved to this place, a new apartment somewhere in Frankfurt. Although we all work for the same company, we hardly saw each other during the past 6 months. We always had different shifts, different days-off and not to mention different departments. We just went to her place, had some drinks and talked, talked, talked. We talked until the wee hours of the morning.

It was quite refreshing. Sharing all our experiences, people we met, what we did, where we went for holidays, etc. Then we started talking about relationships and friendships. About problems and difficulties in a bi-national relationship. The cultural differences that we encountered. The good things that went with being wife to a European (the list was not long, hehehe). We talked mostly about being married to Germans, simply because we are, all three of us. We discussed life in Germany, situations that the Filipinas get into, not just being married to local nationals but also friendships with other Filipinos.

It is really unfortunate that some Filipinas married to German ends up being abused and battered. Well, I guess, not only to Germans. Even to other nationalities.

Main cause?

**"Well, can it be not knowing the person they married? Since they may have met only through a third party or via letters or via the net, they hardly know each other when they tie the knot, thus, they only find out they married a monster after". - Following this logic, I think I have to rule this out. This simply would also imply that the nationalities/culture doesn't have anything to do with it. Even a couple with the same culture could be in this situation.

**"Or did not or could not adjust to a life together basing from different opinions, religion, traditions and upbringing".

**Perhaps, they played with destiny. Meaning, probably they were not really meant for each other, but somehow ended up together by their own doing. This may be due to several reasons for example: comfort & security. Forcing themselves to be together through any means and therefore ending up in divorce. Well and good, if they just say: "okay, we have no kids, we don't love each other anymore, we should go our separate ways."

But what if, the other party says:, "no, I don't want divorce!" What then? In some cases, this ends up with the both parties still living together but doing stupid things to each other. Saying bad things to each other, even sometimes to other people who are common acquaintances of the couple. This is a common scenario. I have seen a lot of couples ending up bad mouthing each other to other people. Bad and stupid! Or worst, the Filipina, feeling desperate and in dire need of being loved, starts going out and not coming home for days, then for weeks, because she cannot stand anymore the life at home with this "alien monster". In doing so, the "allien monster" starts feeling neglected and taken for granted, but bottles up the feelings inside, thinking they cannot communicate properly to each other anymore. Then, all these bad feelings starts to explode, and voila! They start hurting each other physically. Him ending up with a mere Police record, while she ends up as a battered wife! Traumatized??? Perhaps!!!

**OR What if they have a child or kids? I cannot imagine how it would work. Some Filipinas leave and take the kids with them. But what if the partner fights for custody? Or the kids doesn't want to be parted from either parent. There is again another problem. In all aspects this situation is much worse than the others mentioned, because this time it involves the lives & the future of the innocent ones. Traumatic for the kids??? YESSS!

What next? They don't know. Somehow, they cannot pack their things and just go. Sometimes, miracles does happen, and the Filipina is brave enough to just turn her back and go, without even thinking of getting deported, having nothing to eat and nowhere to live. With no family, or other relations to run to, except to some acquaintances who may or may not help because their husbands say not to! It really is a tragic situation.

We also talked about going back home to the Philippines. What to do there later on, after retiring. What business to set up, if ever there would be a chance. Plans on what to do with the kids, if they come. Overall, it was great. We almost didn?t want to go to sleep. Even when we were already in bed, all three of us cramped in one bedroom like a high school slumber party, or simply, like a typical Filipino family, we still couldn?t stop talking. Somehow, before my eyes were taking over my brains, I heard topic has already shifted to "courtship and love, the Filipino style" but, that is for the next blog entry!

Posted by missP at July 29, 2004 11:15 AM