TwEeThUmBsUp

A Friend's Dilemma

Last night I had a very long chat with a colleague. Apparently she has been having problems with her marital life. Her story began when she worked first outside of the Philippines. She met her husband of 33 years old at her work place. She believed she loved her husband and trusted him. They made promises and vows to each other that they would love and support each other, blah,blah,blah! She held on to the promises he made before they were relocated back to Germany.

Upon getting here though, the said hubby suddenly changed. All his promises took longer to be achieved and even some where never done. The most important ones where not met. Nevertheless, she held on to the promises no matter how empty they were. Still hoping and believing that her hubby would still fulfill them. After some months of living here in Germany, not knowing anybody, let alone speak the language, my friend managed to get a job. She needed one badly in order to help her family in the Philippines who are eagerly waiting every month for monetary sustenance. How she did it, she couldn't tell now, but she managed to get one. She worked with that company for more than three years until the time came when her hubby was again relocated to another part of the country. Thinking that she had to be with her husband and had to support him in whatever endeavors he had to follow, she quit her job and moved with him to this new place. Once she got there, she was back again to square one, when she first got to Germany. Alone, no friends, no job, no money for her hubby never even thought that she would need an allowance. She tried to ask for money once and told him that she needed some sort of stipend, but it only ended up in a very big fight. Of course he paid for the flat, bought groceries and whatever toiletries she would need, but he never even thought that she may/would want to buy some girlie stuff of her own that she could fancy while going window shopping in the City. In short, he was a selfish prick! Why he married her is still a big puzzle to my friend. Why did he promise things he couldn't keep? Can it only be from pure lust? Surely he must have felt something more than that for her? Was it only because it would be very convenient for him to marry when he had to come back from elsewhere because of tax purposes? Maybe, it has also something to do with the laziness, since, from the beginning, he never did anything in the house at all. My friend had to do all the chores, cook the meal, wash the clothes after a hard day's work or even on her days-off. My friend asked me all these questions which I couldn?t answer. I told her that she was asking the wrong person, that she should talk to he husband about these things. To which she replied, "we couldn't even talk without ending up in a fight anymore".

************
17 days more to go...:)

Given the benefit of the doubt, maybe he really did love her, but what happened to that LOVE? Or should I ask, Where has the LOVE Gone? Can there still be a fairy tale ending for my friend's demise?

I used to think that fairy tales can only be found in books. I guess, it is one of the reasons why I got hooked up with reading. I definitely did not start reading stuff like: The Reason Of Things, National Geographic, or the World History. No I used them as references in school but never read them with zest. I admittedly started with Rapunzel, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, etc. Then it was Sweet Dreams and Sweet Valley High, Harlequin, Danielle Steel, etc.... yes, some may think so cheap of me naman, but in finding happy endings in those stories, I was encouraged to read more. I felt, while I was reading them, I was also living them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.. non-sense! Then it became Gone With The Wind, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, Anna Karenina, War & Peace. In between, I would always scramble for the Reader's Digest Compilation,Women's Journal & Woman Today where I can find short love stories, which conveniently, we happen to have several at home. Okay, now I am digressing again!!!

Going back to the issue of my friend, she is again on the verge of another change in her life because her hubby is again moving to another place outside Germany. I can tell now that she is excited about moving to a very rich, attractive & famous country but is also somehow torn by the fear that she will undergo again what she went through before. Another thing that is bothering her is the fact that there is somebody at work who seems to like to her so much. Knowing her personal background and every other gory (hehehe!) details of her life story, he is still persistent in pursuing her. My friend is experiencing now, what she has never experienced before from her hubby. She is being courted in the most simple but romantic way. This guy from work is making her feel another side of life that she has not experienced from her husband. It is not just about money, but the simple little-nothings a girl needs to feel loved, appreciated, needed, accepted, not only as who she is but also her loved ones. Respected her wishes and decisions and not constantly being demoralized as what her own hubby does to her.

When this new guy, for example, found out that my friend already has a child, he very calmly said in reply: '"our family, is my family". Without his knowing, my friend got so touched by this because, her hubby would always tell her the contrary: "they're your family, not mine".

After hearing my friend's detailed report of every date and topic discussed, I thought, maybe with this guy, my friend eventually found her own fairy tale ending. But then again, I could also be wrong. I may be just another fool who is easily convinced by these little things which doesn't matter much in life for the others. Baka, tulad din ako ng iba na nadadala sa mga pa-duding ng ka-lalakihan habang nan-liligaw pa lamang. Ganoon naman talaga ang mag lalaki di ba? They try to promise a girl the moon and the stars, eh hindi naman sa kanila yun. Or they say all just good things until they can convince the girl to give them what they want, tapos, bye-bye na lang. No I am not just referring to sex, don't get me wrong. Hindi naman ako pa-virgin effect and neither is my friend. Pero, Sabi nga ni Joey sa Milan, : "Ang pigeons (in this case, I guess, mga lalaki) parang tao yan, lalapit lang sila pag may kailangan". Can this be true? If so, ano kaya ang kailangan nitong kasamahan namin sa trabaho sa kaibigan ko? At ano naman kaya ang kailangan ng mahal ko sa akin at hanggang ngayon eh, hindi pa naman siya lumalayo?

At kayo, naitanong niyo ba sa sarili niyo kung ano ang kailangan ng nobyo, o asawa niyo sa inyo?