TwEeThUmBsUp

Intermission to my travelogues.

Somehow, the days went by like a speed of lightening. Just a few months back I was still rambling about missing the Philippines, longing to go back home, what I would do there, yearning for the things and the food and the places. And then, I went. I flew in and was back in a jiffy. Of course, it was not enough, but it had to do for now. It helped me in quite a lot of ways even if it was just for a very short time. I felt relieved. Being at home gave me a sense of being reborn, being with people whom i knew and love, with old familiar faces and comforting places. It felt like Christmas. Best of all, it gave me new courage to face trials, obstacles and challenges in this foreign place that I live in now. I don't know what it is, nor can I explain what made me feel like this. I just know for sure that IT IS SO. Perhaps it is because one's real and true home is where one's family, relatives and friends are.

I remember when I was still learning the German language, we were asked to define HOME. I thought, okay this was quite easy, not thinking clearly that I have now two homes. I say this so, because my definition of home is, the place where my family and loved ones are. It is not just a flat, a building or a house where we live. To me, it is the place where I feel most comfortable and loved. A place where I feel I belong. Where I can relate and interact with the people whom I trust and vice versa. So, when I got home and started to think about what to say, I got stuck. I couldn't find anything to say simply because I am torn. My family and relatives and friends are all in the Philippines, but I didn't think about having a much more important person in my life now here with me in Germany. Having said this, it would also mean that my home is actually here in Germany, right? So, I ended up not preparing for the assignment at all. Why not? Because, although the most important person in my life right now lives here with me, I still do not feel that I belong to this place. Of course, my hubby's family is now also my family. But although they told me all the time that I belong to their family now, and even give me the reassurance every chance they get, I still feel lost and unaccepted. Not by them but by the other people that I meet and got to know here. I still feel in every place that I go to here in Germany that I am just an Ausländer, a foreigner. Especially because they make you feel this. In shops, in recreation areas, at the post office, at the bank, everywhere! They don't let you forget it for one single minute. Obtaining the nationality of the host country doesn't make one like the locals of that country as well. One becomes a "second class" citizen then, which is for me, sounding even more inferior. I can't blame them for it.

Nevertheless, I still face the challenges that I encounter everyday, may it be at work or outside. I live each day as it comes. I try to integrate myself and even show my own capabilities as an individual foreigner to show a good example to this host country so that in some ways, they may not stereotype every "Ausländer" as a parasite and a menace to the society.

My point to this is: This is now my second home. A place where my hubby and I decided to stay for the time being as a means to be able to fulfill our dreams for our future. I am thankful for the chance that I could go back to my own place that I call home where I could relax and recover from the stress and pressure that I encounter here in my second home. For some, they have to wait for ten to eleven years because they do not have the luxury of being able to go back to their loved ones anytime they want. Thus, I envy those people who can be with their family, relatives and real friends and remains to be first class citizens where they live because they can afford to live in their own country of origin, their home, their Nation, the place where their heart is!

Posted by missP at November 29, 2004 12:53 AM