February 25, 2004

Last Lap of my Journey...

Before i came to Belgium, I was almost on the verge of completely ruining my life. Had my aunt not given me the chance to leave the country, I would never have escaped the destiny that I got myself into. But then again, with my own courage and with the Will of the Lord, I made it. I escaped a life that was not only terrible, it was a lot more like Hell. I left everything that I had built up there in the Philippines to escape from a fate that was more than bearable to live.

Well, I didn't really completely ran away from my problems. I just needed time and means to resolve the situation that I got myself into. Once, I was presented the chance to start all over again, I just grabbed it like lighting! Suffice it to say, I went back to the Philippines two years after I left to make everything right again. I left some loose ends there hanging, so when I had the chance, I went there first and foremost to fix the situation.

Now, I am living a happy and peaceful life. Quite content with what I have, and definitely quite sure of where I would go next. Thanks to the Lord's persevering guidance and Love, I am reborn with a new hope in Life.

February 11, 2004

Looking Back 2. . .

A few weeks after we got married, he suddenly changed his mind. He would
ask me to come over to their house and he would not let me go home for
days at first. Then it became weeks. At one time, we had a very huge
fight because my father was already wondering what has happened to me,
but my "ex" would not let me go back home. He then demanded from me to
do my "respected duty" as his wife. To be where he was supposed to be. I
did manage to convince him in the end that I just wanted to go and visit
my family. He relented, but only if he came along. That was fine. When
we got to my parents place, he had his fits again that ended again in a
violent argument. I never went back to his place that day, nor the
following day. I stayed with my family for the whole week and I managed
to get the chance to tell my mother about the whole situation.

My mom then, would not listen to what I was trying to tell her. She just
said she didn't want to look at any paper when I started to show her the
marriage certificate. She disregarded me by saying she didn't understand
what I was talking about. I can't blame her for that. She probably
thought, at that time, that it was a very big mistake that I made, but
didn't know what to do about it.

Two weeks later, my "hubby's" family, after several efforts of trying to
call me and talk to me, trying to convince me to come back to their
place, finally came over to our house. No, it was not the long-overdue
"pama-manhikan" tradition. Just the normal thing that parents would do
if the kids cannot settle their own problems anymore. To "interfere" in
other words. They also told my parents that they were aware of the
"supposed" marriage, but thought anyway, that "we were still not mature
enough to live with the wrong decision that we made". In the end, they
set a schedule for a luncheon meeting at a hotel somewhere in Quezon
City to sort of formalize the "pam-manhikan" blues.

They talked about a "garden wedding". Where and when, I couldn't say
anything. Neither my "ex-hubby" nor I didn't say anything during that
three hour meeting. I felt like I was in a big pot boiling over a very
big fire. I didn't even ask how he felt at that time. The meeting ended
with an agreement that I would be staying over at the house of my "ex".
We would then start our own business that my "mother-in-law" was willing
to give us the required capital.

The business went well. I managed it, while my "ex" posted as more like
"driver". For two months, our life was like that of a normal happy
family. At the end of the day, after all the expense reports and
accounting made, my "ex" and I would either go to watch or a movie or
just stay at home with his sister. Sometimes, we would go over to visit
my family or his relatives who lived at the same area where my parents
lived. Every now and then, his mother would invite us to watch concerts
or previews, depends on what was available. Or we would even go shopping
together. The whole thing was a show.

Then one night I couldn't find my "ex" in our flat. I was wondering
where he was, so I went out to check if his car was at the garage. I
thought, maybe he went out to get some cigarettes at a 7-Eleven store
somewhere. Much to my surprise, I found him in the garage, sniffing
something. The first reaction I got was fear. I froze right there, in
the middle of the night, outside the house. I realized he was sniffing
"shabu" which at that time was the rampant rage among sniffers. I could
tell from the foil on his hand. I am not naive. Thanks to my teacher in
college, I was already aware of all these paraphernalia's in our
environmental studies. We did exposure outreach in the "smokey mountain"
where we saw almost every young teenager addicted to this chemical.

I went back to our flat that night, without any feeling at all. I was
just shocked and numbed. I never told him that I saw him that night. But
afterwards, I could then explain his bouts of "fever" and "shivering"
for no apparent reason. I was so stupid not to have noticed it before.
I thought that he was just tired and overfatigued, hence the sickness.
Little did I know that he was into drugs.

For three months more, I lived with him and his family, but slowly
loosing respect and the "love" that I felt for him. It became more like
pity. I thought, as long as I was around, I could help him forget about
using the said chemical, at least. Boy! Was I wrong about that.

. . . to be continued...

February 05, 2004

Looking Back . . .

A brief glance at the not so distant past!

Shortly before I came to Europe, I was involved with a guy almost the
same age as me. During this time, I was also preparing my papers to go
to Belgium. I married that guy without my family's blessings, thinking
that I would be living with him for the rest of my life. Thinking I was
so "in-love" with him that I could not live without him anymore. He on
the other hand, said he didn't want to let go of me. That he could not
live anymore without me. So, we decided to get married before I would
leave for Belgium.

The marriage was a very simple ceremony at the Quezon City Hall. The
sponsors were my bestfriend from high school and his buddy, who happened
to be the boyfriend of my bestfriend. Before we got married, we promised
to each other that we would not tell our parents/family about it, since
at that time I was in between jobs (just passing time until my Visa
application for Belgium came through) and he was totally jobless. We
said we would live with our respective family as long as we were not
stable enough to get our own place to live in. I believed him and
trusted him to keep his side of the promise. I was wrong. The whole
thing was actually wrong.

...to be continued

February 01, 2004

First Blog

This has been a very long day for me. Although it is a Sunday, I was already up at eight this morning. I have a lot of things to do and I planned to finished them all before the day ends. Unfortunately, it is already 4 A.M. and i have not done the last item on my list, which is to send mails to classmates in college. I am sure, my friends have been wondering for the long silence on my part. I did managed to tell one of them that I have just started a new job, therefore, it may take sometime before I can write them again. I hope she has explained to the rest of the gang the whole situation.

When I joined the College, it was a very difficult time for me. I had a lot of hung ups then. I was so shy that it was so difficult to just try to make new friends. I met first Neri. She is a petite little girl with long, curly hair and eyeglasses. She is smart and witty, very quick to answer, but like me, also very shy. We didn't have the same Big Sister though, but somehow, we managed a smile for each other that started this beautiful friendship that would eventually last a lifetime.

My co-neophyte, who I shared my bigsis with was Tri. She is a chubby , young lady also with long hair and quite bubbly. I didn't have a hard time starting a conversation with her, because, she literally started one and ended only until she passed away some years back now, (bless her soul!). But still, we had a great sisterhood together. Even after I left college, we kept in touch through mails and phone calls. I used to visit her to her place, because she couldn't leave her house for long periods of time because of her sickness. She had diabetis which got so complicated that she had to stop schooling a lot of times before she even reach college. That made her the eldest among the six of us. More blog about her later. I promise.

I met Bo and Ju at the RegCom meeting during my second year in college. Bong, is a tall, very much soft spoken, very fair complexioned, skinny (like the model type) but above all, beautiful lady. Although Bong looked healthy enough to everybody, we always wondered then why she was always absent...she would disappear for three days then would suddenly come back and tonly to disappear again after some days. We were worried about her, but nobody had the guts to ask her if there was anything wrong in her private life.

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