TwEeThUmBsUp

Mixed Emotions

I have not been able to blog for some days because was so busy with working schedules plus the household errands. I slowly managed to finish half of them, but I still need to do the last part. Some sort of finishing touches. Now, after all these caracus about jobs and stuffs, I am slowly thinking again about three things:

Concentrate on looking for an "Ausbildung's platz" myself;
Wait until until arbeitsamt finds one for me;
Stop working and just go back to "Day Trading".

The third one appeals to me the most. I did it before when we were still living in Belgium until 9/11 happened. Then we became torn between making money out of the loss of other people or follow moral rules about Christianity. The latter won of course. In the end we would have made millions but in exchange for our soul. That was something we didn't bargain for. Or maybe, I am just not made to be a businesswoman. But the decision was not mine alone. It was some sort of our first business venture (mine & hubby's) together. Hubby did the technical stuff, planning, simulating graphs and so on. I did the actual day trading. I would come home from my part time secretarial job at an investment firm and start working from home then. Listening to news and watching out the stock market were like peanut butter sandwhich to me. Even my niece, was eating the same thing every afternoon. Then 9/11 happened. We did loose some but we also managed to salvage a great part of the whole winnings. On the day that it happened, I was just watching the usual stuff like a regular day, and then suddenly, they were showing the second plane on on tv crashing into the second building. But I digress.

Anyway, we are thinking again of playing around with stocks. The thing is, I am still not so sure that I would manage to do it all again. To undergo the same stress and tension is something that I don't want to think of now. We may not earn as much as we were earning before nowadays, but that's fine for me. I would not exchange this for any amount at the momment. Perhaps, later...next time...next year....

Let It Go

**NOTE**
I DID NOT WRITE this myself. This was sent to me by my very dear friend, Nikki. I liked the message so much, that i thought it would be nice to post it.

This is an amazing read..pls. pass on! :)

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over.

Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT O!!!

If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ... LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2004!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then LET IT GO!!!


"The Battle is the Lord's!"

Epistle:
I thank the person who wrote this. This is such a timely enlightenment!!!

Anong Oras na?

It has been a very lazy and quiet weekend. I spent most of Saturday telephoning and tinkering with my ever loyal companion, my computer as usual. Kaya naman ngayon, ganda-ganda na ng blogsite ko. Divah? I love my own!?!

I also tried the cassava cake recipe that I got from Thess. Actually, she referred another site to me J'Ace Kusina. The cake was a little bit burned on the topside, pero, siyempre say ng hubby ko, "hhhmmmmm...very good!" or else, lagot siya! hehehe.

The main event was the parcel my hubby recieved from my brother-in-law. He is really sooooo thoughtful and soooooo sweet! My hubby will be celebrating his birthday in some weeks. Since my bro-in-law will be on his vacation on the day of the celebration, pinadala niya na in advance ang birthday gift niya. He gave my hubby one of those Binary LED watches. It looked weird to me at first. I couldn't tell the time, when I looked at it. But one look from my hubby, and voila! he could tell me the exact time like as if looking at a digital watch. Whereas I had to stare at it for a while to realize how the thing worked, with him, at a blink of an eye, alam niya na. I guess it helped having a Ph.D. in Math and all. Admittedly din naman kc, bobonikels ako sa math, pero marunong naman ako bumasa ng oras, just not in binary numbers, hehe....

Together with the watch, my brother-in-law also sent us a cd compilation of all the songs that i like in midi form. He found out about my blogsite only two weeks ago, and suggested to me that I should put a media player on it, para relaxing daw for me while writing an entry...o divah? Again, the best brother-in-law talaga. So, eto, I already started with some Carpenter songs, kc peborits ko si Karen, eh. I should remember though to change the songs every now and then. . . hhmmmmm...o di kaya.....???

"Pa-Cute"

Lifted this from Jordy's site

What Name Should You Have? by Lauren

To: Jordy,

I didn't really like the name too much. Masyadong matamis at mabait sa pandinig ko....what's ironnic is, agree si hubby ko na dapat daw "Gabrielle" name ko. We ended up in a silly argument, hehehe...kc tinopak ako!!!

But, I had fun though...hakhakhak!!!

Nancy Friday's "M.I.L."

I just finished reading "Men In Love" by Nancy Friday. I got the book from "The Reading Room" in Bruxelles. The book is about of course Men, "their secret, erotic fantasies", which are no longer soooo secret since after this book was published, hehehe... The book is really interesting. The stories are based from the answers of men from various ages ranging from their teens to their sixties and comes with psychological and clinical analysis as well.
A woman can learn a lot from this book. A real weapon as to how to keep your man hanging and dangling, hehehe!!! Kung baga, titig pa lang, nangangatog na sila...isang sulyap lang aamo na! hahaha....

Love this book. :)!

I am eagerly waiting now for another book that I already ordered from my book club. Hopefully, they will have it available again soon.

In the meantime, medyo aral-aral muna ako about how to make my own layout...feel ko ulit mag renovate...but this may still take sometime though...

Welcome to my new home!

Hello everybody! :)

For some weeks now, I have been packing up, (as if naman plenty?!?). Mahirap talagang maging "T-bob". Anjang may nawa-walang post o kaya naman hindi ma re-direct, etc.,etc.

Sana this time ok na. . .

Watch out for my albums from my wedding and more....

Note:
Pasencya na, may mga comments na hindi ko pa nai-sama sa pag lilipat. babalikan ko pa sila sa sunod na hakot....hehehe...

TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,

CONGRATULATIONS!!:)

This letter was forwarded to me from my friend. I found it hilariously funny so i decided to post it. I have no idea though where it came from originally. I have to admit, i got a headache after reading it....BUT I GOT THE MESSAGE ANYWAY!

> >Note Attached:

> >The following is a letter found at a certain bar in
> >Manila and has been preserved in its original,
> >unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may
> >try direct translation in Tagalog. Pls read with
> >feelings...
> >********************
> >October 1996
> >
> >To Marjie,
> >I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why?
> >What reason you can think about but you're very fat
> >body. I thought before that Dennis only use me to his
> >toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really
> >can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore
> >because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're
> >habit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and
> >always calling to their house what he go home or this
> >or that.
> >
> >And then he say he get ashame to met iether in school
> >or in his family and then asking you to exercise
> >you're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.
> >Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about.
> >What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose
> >Marie Chan?
> >
> >Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not
> >have the right to called me whatsoever or else
> >different name one time or the other for the real
> >purposed to insults my personality because I'm never
> >call you names iether in the front of Dennis or in the
> >backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling
> >me different name, I don't have any other choice
> >but to call you other different name to. Like you are
> >a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.
> >Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.
> >
> >You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me
> >because I am the more sexier than you when you look to
> >us in the mirror.
> >
> >I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she
> >is a girl.
> >Love,
> >The Sexiest Girl of D.M.
> >
> >P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is
> >Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the
> >final is me. There you go.
>

Weekend Special!

I received a text message from a friend very early this morning telling me to check something out in the net. She thinks that I am accused of something by another person. I was still sleepy and confused of what she had texted me about, so i grabbed the phone from my bedside table and called her.

My friend was so excited about the whole thing and started talking about the incident immediately. I had to ask her to pause for a while, since I had no idea what she was talking about. She assumed that I have already seen/read the "article entry and comments" that she was referring to. So, I said hold on, I really have no clue. Start again from the very beginning. So, she did.

My initial reaction was to get up from the bed and go to the computer and check it out for myself. I never believed in just relying on hearsays. I had to see and read it for myself. Apparently, this Filipina wrote something in her blogs which stirred the feelings of some people. Naturally, since it is open to public, she started getting comments. The thing was, somebody left a comment with the Belgian IP address. My friend had the feeling that this girl knows that I came from Belgium and seems to assume that the person who left a "comment" would be my relative.

What I did, I also traced this IP address that she posted in her reply. It is indeed from Belgium. It is a computer linked to the internal network of the Catholic University in Louvain, Belgium. Okay, that is then established. Anybody can find this out for himself from the RIPE Whois Database.

I don't really see any logic in it. I can only believe this to be true if, I knew at least one person studying or working at this University. Which is not the case.

In the end, I could assure my friend that I was neither directly nor indirectly involved into their discussion about "ignorance and arrogance". Having said this, I would like to express strongly that the last comment is really way below the belt and should not be given extra attention. I would simply delete the comment.

Looking at the whole thing, it's funny how the internet can spice up our life and provide little excitements. ;-)

My own share of "jerkiness"

In my high school days, I had to change schools two times. It was not because I was a bad student, it was simply due to the fact that we always had to move to a new place every two years. I couldn't understand how my parents would only get two year contracts for an appartment. I guess they thought at that time, it would be better for us to go back to the province.

Anyway, I am straying...going back to the school, It was my second year in high school. I just moved into this school. Since I enrolled late, I could only go to a lower section. For the first weeks, I would not go to school because I couldn't accept the fact that I did not belong to the "cream of the Crop" group. Nope, meeting a boy one day, did not even convince me to go school. I thought it would be reason enough for me to play around in that class but I underestimated myself. I simply didn't have the motivation or the lust to go to. Eventually though, my mom tricked me into going. I don't know how she did it, but she did. I went with mixed emotions. I remembered my mom telling me that if I do good for the first quarter, then I would automatically join the cream of the crop section. At the same time, I was thinking to myself, how can this happen? Why should I trust her? In short, my stubbornness is slowly seeping through.

The first week, I was like a zombie in that class. But i learned my very first lessons of humbleness in there. I was so aloof because I thought too much of myself, that I didn't even want to mingle with my classmates. I always told myself that I was only there temporarily. The same story I told my classmates when I was introduced to them. That was a mistake. My advisor slapped me straight to my face that I turned 380 degrees from being such a "jerk". Yes! Women can be jerks! I never said the same thing again to my classmates. From then on, I just said, I enrolled late so I didn't get a place in the first section. Come to think of it, I didn't have to tell them this because for them to be in that section was already reward enough. (But somehow, blame it to my immaturity and naivity, the old habbit would still come out every now and then). They worked hard to be there and they got there. I didn't realize I was hurting their feelings each time I tried to condemn my life for being in that section.

I am happy to be so when I was still younger, now I do know how to deal with other people in their certain level. No, I refuse to stoop down to the level of immaturity, if they are immature; but I would also not "make a fire out of a smoke" with them.

One thing I am quite sure of, I know myself, my talents, my capabilities. I am aware where I came from, I am sure where I should go next. I am not in doubt as to what will be. I just have to be strong enough to face every obstacle that comes my way. I don't look down on others, instead, I accept each person I meet as he/she is.

If for example, there is something that I find disturbing in a person, I always let him/her know about it. Not that it gets to become an issue later. I tell it directly to the person concerned and not resort to sidecommenting or back biting. Thank goodness, so far, this has not happened yet. I dread the day when I would meet somebody who would try my strength and would make me do things that I would regret doing afterwards.

Film Faves . . .

Today, having all the day free, i decided to look for a film that i
could watch while doing some household chores. Last week was Filipino
film week, so this time, i decided to choose from my English all time
favorites collection. So, i went over to my collection of movies and
started scanning through the whole lot for a film that suits my mood...
while doing so, i found out that i have now almost all of the films that
i love to watch. Kahit ilang beses ko pa silang ulit-uliting panoorin,
walang kasawa-an...

I like to watch films, kaya lang, very peeky ako when it
comes to films. I cannot bear to watch scary films nor violent ones.
Masyado akong nake-carried away. Hindi ko kaya ang emotions na
nararamdaman ko while watching any of these two. Kahit sino pa ang
actors or actress.

Among my all time favorites though are:

1. The Sound of Music - which is actually main reason why I went to
visit Salzburg, Austria;

2. The Wizard of Oz;

3. Irma La Douce - this is one hilarious, romantic comedy of all time;

4. Gone With the Wind - i read the book version of this which was really
great, but the film is better;

5. Love Story;

6. The Grease Lightning;

7. West Side Story;

8. Shrek;

9. Sleepless In Seattle;

10. Les Miserables;

11. Mary Poppins;

12. Moulin Rouge;

13. An Affair to Remember;

14. The Mist of Avalon;

15. Superman - I was a big fan of Christopher Reeves;

16. La Vita e Bella;

17. Chocolat;

18. Casablanca;

19. The Hobbit;

20. Forrest Gump;

21. The Sixth Sense;

22. LotR ;

23. Harry Potter

. . . bad part is, palubog na ang araw, wala pa akong napa-pa nood. Kasi, napa blog hop, napa tele-babad at napa dami ang kain ng lunch kaya naka tulog afterwards....hehhehehe!!

The reasons "why" . . .

When I came to Germany, I was full of hopes of meeting new faces and finding and/or forming my own circle of friends. This was second to my agenda of learning the language to help myself get settled in. I did meet new faces and different kinds of people, but sad to say, I never got to form/find my own circle of "friends".

I found some organizations, met some Pinays, joined their get-togethers and cultural parties, but in the end, tinamad na ako sa group nila. I felt that I was pushing myself to them, not because "I was" but because they made me feel like an outsider. I didn't really feel true and warm acceptance from their side. I felt that, because I am mobile, flexible and never had hassles whenever we would meet, they just abused my friendliness to them. In the end, I felt like I was used. Therefore, I stopped communicating with them regularly. I still get invitations from them to parties, Gala Nights, bowling or dancing, mind you. Whereas before, i used to jump at every invitation, because of the reasons listed above, i rather decline the invites now.

More reasons why I don't associate with Pinays in Germany so much. . . .

Most of them are also hypocrites-Some of them pretend to be somebody, a character or a figment of their imagination. For example, they pretend to be contented and happily married. But one can see through the bitterness or hatred they have for others, that they are actually not. This I don't understand, how can one be happy and yet shows signs of "hang-ups"? I may be idealistic on this, but i do know and believe that if one person is happy, this "happiness" would be reflected in the way they deal with other people. Unless she is really a meany person.

Some seem to have this "abnormal ambition" of wanting to be always ahead of the others. Positive side, this motivates people to do better = acceptable. Negative side, how can one make "real friendship" with such a person?

Most of them are judgemental - i admit, i was almost the same before. I had the impression that these Filipinas married to Europeans are stupid, no-read-no- write girls picked up by the "whites" from the povinces on one of their excursion trips as souvenirs. Same thing with what the "opposite" to this types think now.
You know what?? I realized and this really made me do a full "turn" away from this opinion: These Pinays are actually "good Friend" materials. Once, they can trust and can confide in you, knowing that they will not be betrayed by talking behind their backs about their problems to other people, then they will definitely be loyal and true to you as well. Correct, one may not be able to communicate with them intellectually, but one can learn from their humble ways of dealing with life.

Most of them have this "Keeping up with the Jones'" attitude. This is something i have no patience for. I hate it when they come to my place, starts poking around, checking what I have for decorations or rug or just anything one can imagine. Next thing I know, I get invited to their place, and find that they also have the same stuffs as I have. It's like slapping the message: "I can also buy what you can afford" straight to your face. What do i care if they can afford it, but can't they have their own originality or identity? Or like when I thought i would have a complete make-over and try to live a "healthy and fit life", so i decided to register at a gym. Next thing I found out, two of them are also registered now in the same Fitness center where I go to. Okay, maybe they are also going through this phase in life, when one starts to really think about one's health and so on, and so fort...but immediately after I do it??? I can also be proud that I gave them motivation, but what the heck...whenever I find them there, they don't look like they are serious with what they are doing anyway. I feel like they just wanted to prove something to me. Whatever it is, i simply refuse to think about it!

The list is endless...but i think the picture should be quite clear now. The goal of "finding and establishing" my own circle of friends here in Germany is very unlikely to be succesful. Life is still fair in the end. I am lucky to find though, my "best friend" Tiptoes! We are so much alike, that we just immediately hit it off after the first meeting. We share almost the same opinion. We talk the same language and in the same level. We learn and discover things with fun together. We share about cooking, decorating our homes, go shopping together and just anything we could think of. Our most favorite passtime is staying at home, either her's or mine, and of course eat all the time...isn't life great?!?

Tuwing umuulan . .

I watched a film with Regine Velasquez and Robin Padilla tonight, while doing the long overdue, smokey mountain high pile of ironning (blame it on blogging, hehehe).

Well, anyway, I was so kilig to the bones talaga, mind you not with the actor and actress but with the story itself. It is really strange coz I very seldom watched a Tagalog film when I was in the Philippines. I did, of course, but I was really choosy. I only watched the most controversial ones or those with Political backgound. Ironnically, when I came to Europe, I became addicted to Tagalog films. Bigla na lang bang maging patriotic?!?(he!he!he!) I grabbed every Tagalog film I could find and if i didn't get anything new from here, I would order them from the Philippines. It even became a habbit to copy borrowed films while watching it, so I could watch it again the next time I felt homesick. Anyway, i borrowed this film from a Filipino colleague at work. Naturally, i copied it on our outmoded but very reliable VHS recorder.

Super naka-ka-kilig, was the "Kiss under the rain" scene. They were talking about their dreams, their families when it suddenly started raining. Regine wanted to rush back into the house, but Robin held her back. They sat there outside the house, on the hood of Robin's Jeep, under the rain and suddenly Robin gave Regine a long, gentle and probably "super-sarap" kiss kasi talaga namang napa-hiyaw (with high pitch) at napa lundag siya afterwards. Sheyyyyyt!! It really made me feel ("in love") like a teenager again.

To those who have not seen the film, Regine's role is a rich singer with a broken family. Her father is a politician and her mother is married to a businessman with a new family of their own. Robin is a mechanic, owns his own talyer, lives with his father, his sister who has Down's Syndrome and with his "abnormal" uncle. Of course, like any Tagalog film, it has its own dose of hardships in life and in family relationships. The ending is also a typical Filipino fairy tale, hehehe, living happily-ever-after.

Bakit ganoon, noong nasa Pilipinas pa ako, pag umuulan, hindi ako naka- karamdam ng lungkot. Bagkus, romantic pa ang dating sa akin. Puwera na lang kung bagyo, which is a differrent thing. Dito sa Europe, tuwing umuulan, ang feeling ko napaka-bigat. Para bang wala na yatang masa-sayang araw pa na darating. Ewan! O baka naman, nagse-sentimiento lang ako dahil nag-iisa ako dito sa bahay at naho-homesick na naman ako? Maka tulog na nga lang...

Ask . . .

NOTE: I got this from: Romel. I hope you don't mind.

Here goes:

I want everyone who reads this to ask me THREE questions, No More, No Less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything.

You can post the questions in the "COMMENTS" section and I will answer from there too.

ready?,. . . .

Started quite early

This is nothing extra special. I didn't have anything else recent to blog about hence, I am going back to "memory lane".

I love to work. I started working at an early age of 12 or 13. I am not going to mention the name of the company, because it still exists and I don't want them to get in trouble for hiring a minor. It was my choice anyway. I was still in in grade school then, but I was already doing summer jobs for two months. I did it every summer until I turned 17. I could remember very well, I was earning 273 pesos per week then. Of course, the pay also went up every summer. But the pay was not the most important for me at that time. It helped tidy up the family expenses, but the most important for me was the work. I was so proud of it, because I was working for people whose names are always appearing in newspapers and magazines. I also loved the feeling of being around adult environment. I savored the days when I could see the owner of the company I was working for in her "Do" and " working attire". Or the watching the real employees either working or wandering from table to table to say a word or two to other colleagues. I felt like I was also someone important in that world.

When I turned 18, i started working for a fastfood chain as Management Trainee. That experience was really difficult. I lasted three months in that job and then I moved on to work at a Governement Corporation for more than five years. At this time, I was combining work, studies and night life. But I enjoyed it. That part of my life was really great. It was not so much as just fun but I felt like I achieved something. But then again, that's for another blog entry.

Thanks to new technology

I am currently in video conferrence with my family in the Philippines...saya ko! Kita ko na for the first time live ang pamangkin kong si Trish. Also, after two years, kita ko na ulit ang youngest bro kong si Kally at ang eldest kong kapatid na si Tex. WOW! Sad to say, ang tatay ko nasa talyer with his everlasting "Batcar". And my mom is at the parlor at the moment. Nag pa-pa repair din ng beauty niya, hehehehe. My sis-in-law, Gina is not around. I am still trying to find out her whereabouts, hahaha!!!

It only took logitech's webcamera plus the ever reliable T-online DSL connection, feeling ko na rin nasa Pilipinas ako with my family. It's really a happy day for me today!

My Mom is safe...

I was woken up by the ringing of the phone in my bedside table. It was my brother calling me from Manila to let me know that my mom safely arrived there today from a series of conventions in the U.S. Thank goodness, she is safe and well. Resting for some days in our humble abode in Paranaque before flying to our province to help settle up some property negotiations there. For weeks, I have been communicating with her all the time to make sure she is alright. My worry about her is her health. She has high blood pressure and has fallen down three times already before. That was three or four years ago. Luckily, it has not recurred. But ever since, I am never at ease whenever she is alone.