August 30, 2004

countdown begins, at iba pa

I have never felt so bad as lately. I feel that my routine in life is: work-sleep-work-sleep-work..... I don't have a life anymore. Worst, I think I am becoming a slave. Not a slave to money, No! This is definitely not about money since, I am definitely not getting rich with the salary I am earn now. I am becoming a slave to the work. I am also no fact I am a happy-go-lucky person when it comes to work. But I love to do something that would keep me busy. I know, this is becoming contradicting since being busy means having to do something all the time. I guess we each have our limitations. I know, I am looking for an excuse. But for once, after a long time, I want to be just free from the job.

Well, now I am writing about these non-sensical ideas I have in my head, I slowly realize why I feel like this. During the last fourteen days, I only had one day off. I had a free day which I spent just laying around at home not doing anything. I just relaxed. I feel that this was not enough. I need another day or two. Perhaps I even need a week or two...or even a month?!?

Hehehe, I think now I am getting there! I may just be excited about my trip to the Philippines. I can wait for the 17th to come...then I only have to wait two more days, until I get there. Unfortunately, it is only the 30th of August. Have 20 more days to go until I am back in Manila... I can hardly wait!!!

Waaaaaahh! ibalik n'yo na ako sa Pilipinas!!!

August 26, 2004

add ons

Today I got a postcard from Ms. Jing. Thanks Jordy! I was so surprised. I thought it was another one from my sister-in-law. Tats ako Tita, ;)!!! I am still here. Im leaving on the 18th pa of next month.

I have noticed that I forgot to post my entry about the party. Reason: I don't want it to sound pathethic, pero, I can't help it. Even reading this myself, I find it so lame... ML & I just realized after the party that we didn't take pictures at all from the digicam. I do remember that one of the guest's did took pictures. I will have to wait for the reprints and then try to capture them again with our digicam. It worked with the pics that i got from my cousins in the U.S., so, hopefully, it will also work this time.

The other thing is: One of the CSM's from my work came to that party as well. He made me promise that I won't be posting any picture of himself on the net.

To Rüdiger: If you read this entry, sorry, i am not allowed to tell. I made my promise to the CSM. . . ;)!


For now, I really have to go to bed. I have to start work very early again tomorrow. Good thing ML is not yet at home or else, I would not have managed to post this entry now. He would have shooed me away from the computer already... whatever that means, heheheh!!!

Old journal entry

As I was looking for some documents that I made for another Filipina colleague, I accidentally stumbled upon my Daily Journal. The one that I had prior to this blogsite. I thought to myself that I would not open it, since I didn't have enough time to prepare for work early tomorrow morning, but I just couldn't resist it. As I openned the first page, I slowly read again what I wrote there almost two years ago.

September 18, 2002

Tonight, the idea of having a journal came to my mind. It doesn’t have to be a daily journal, like some sort of a diary, but something that of a notebook for everytime my mind doesn’t stop working. PURPOSE?

1. To clear my mind of things that are too unnecessary to keep there.
2. To prepare myself for a good night’s rest.
3. To have a better feeling the following morning???? Questionable…since I have not done this kind of theraphy... but hopefully it should work. Normally, I would just sit/ stand in front of a mirror and then start talking to myself.
4. To record things that may be important some day…..PERHAPS!!!!

So, here goes:

It’s been nine (9) months since I first came to Germany. I arrived here December 1, 2001 with my husband MGS. He has been relocated back home due to his new job. Still with the same company, but with a different task … as you would call it. We used to live in Brussels, Belgium. We stayed there for three years. Actually, It was there where I met my husband. There, I was quite happy since I had my two sisters there with me. Not to mention my aunt who is married to a Belgian national …..who also happened to be my original sponsor to get to Europe.

So, back in Germany, first we moved to a little town called Eschborn. We stayed there for two and a half months. The problem was, the flat was too small for us. We couldn't even unpack all of our things because we didn't have any extra place to put them. So, we decided to move to a place outside of Frankfurt. It didn't take us long to find another place to reside in. We moved to Altenstadt, another small town about 30 kilometers northeast of Frankfurt. Since we, my husband & I , each have cars, distance does not seem to be a big problem for us. We decided that having a house far from the busy Frankfurt is the best for us. The good part was that, not only was the house bigger than the one we had in Eschborn, it is also much cheaper.

After the move, we decided to find a school for me to learn the German language. This was quite difficult since we found out that to go to school here costs a lot of money. It is all so very expensive that it took a while for us to find a school for me. Finally, with some help from the colleagues of ML's, we found a private institution. They have really good teachers, still a little expensive, but the teaching method is good.

My first day of school, January 7, 2002 was for me really exciting. It was like going to school back in the old days. I drove to school though, early enough so that in case I miss a turn, I would still be on time for the class. As it turned out to be, I did miss a turn. Fortunately, I found the building fast enough. I still had 15 minutes to walk around the area where the school was.

Boy, was I the happiest, when I also found a shop a block away from the store, owned and managed by a Filipina married to a German national. I found out that it is a Filipino store from the six or seven little Philippine flag stickers on the window of the shop. Of course, the name I got from the pamphlet that was sticked to the door of the shop. It said:”P-B Door to Door Delivery Service manager/owner: MPB”, (I have to put the initials since I did not ask her if I can publish her name on the net). The shop opens normally at 10:00 a.m., so It was still closed when I found it. I promised to myself that I would go back after class to meet the owner. Perhaps ask a question or two.

12:10 exactly, I walked in on that shop on that cold January day. Not knowing that the same place would become my second home someday. Second home, since I would then be watching the store for the owner, whenever she had to go to the Philippines, either for business or pleasure purposes. But most of the time, it is because of business.

I introduced myself to M. a bit shyly of course. The Filipino SHY attitude. The owner was a little bit hesitant at first. She didn’t say much to me. Just gave me answers to questions that were probably too obvious for her but foreign for me. But she was also nice. I also rented video tapes which they seem to have plenty of. Plus, I got some Filipino stuff that I missed so much. I promised to be back the following day to return the tapes that I borrowed. From then on, until now, 9 months later, I still go to the shop almost everyday. Some weeks I go to help in the shop. Some days I just stay there while waiting for my husband to finish work, then we go home together.

From the people there, I began to feel at ease in Frankfurt, Germany. I met MBP. Another Filipina also married to a German national. She had her own Filipino shop in another city called Giessen, also here in Germany. But she closed it a year before I met her. MBP can become a frequent character in this journal, simply because for some months now, we became close to each other. Perhaps even closer than with MPB. Then I met Jo. A young girl from Iloilo. Jo is the type of girl who just sits and watches you…for some time… before she will open up to you. But the most thing that I noticed about her is that she is very much similar to my sister Iza. In every way. That’s probably why, I felt close to her as well. I openned up to her like she is my younger sister. With MBP, it is more like a friend of the same age, although she is much older than I am, and of the same level of way of thinking. It seems like we are so much tuned in to each others likes, dislikes, roles in our family life in the Philippines, and so on.

I will continue this part of the journal later. I just need to type something else so as I don’t forget it later.


Sadly, Jo went back to the Philippines for good sometime early 2003. MBP just left also for good to the Philippines yesterday. MPB and I somehow lost contact with each other after she closed her shop. I also got busy with work which is why I hardly see her now.

For clarification: these are not the people who I mentioned in my previous entry The Reason's Why...". Although, I did meet those mentioned in the entry through the shop & through MPB.

August 25, 2004


BEA's Appeal

Bea A. Liwanag was a bubbly 16-year-old until she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia last January. She needs $200,000 (P11.2 million) for an operation that could save her life. Bea's mother, Dolores A. Liwanag, is appealing for your help. Together we can save this girl's life.

I am writing in behalf of my daughter, Bea A. Liwanag, a typical 16 year old, until Jan. 20, 2004, when she had to be hospitalized due to Acute Myelogenous Leukemia.

At 2:30 a.m. of Jan 20, 2004, Bea woke up with extreme pains in her hips. We brought her to the ER of the Makati Medical Center where x-rays and blood tests were done. After the x-rays revealed that Bea had a initial symptoms of scoliosis, she was given pain reliever and we were instructed to follow up with our orthopedic doctor. At 10:30, I brought Bea to the Philippine Orthopedic Institute. Since there were 6 other patients ahead of her, we decided to walk over to Makati Medical to pick-up her x-ray films and blood test results. The CBC and platelet count results of Bea were way off normal standards that I proceeded to her Pediatrician, Dr, Rosario Marin after the ER. Without any trace or symptoms, Bea was walking around with a 20 k platelet count (normal is 150k - 300K), RBC 2.0 (normal is 4-6), Hemoglobin of 7.1 (normal is 14-20), hematocrit is .2 (normal is .4 - .6) and WBC 19,630 (normal is 5k - 10k). This prompted the Pediatrician to have Bea confined and was referred to a Hematologist, Dr. Allan Racho, who in turn requested for immediate transfusion of 5 units platelet and 1 unit packed RBC. It was also discovered that Bea had a difficult blood type, AB+, thus making the immediate transfusion impossible since we had to source the blood from donors.

Various blood work-up was done to Bea that led to the initial findings of Leukemia. A Bone Marrow Aspiration was done on Jan. 21, 2004 which confirmed the initial findings and disclosed further that type of Leukemia, Acute Myeloid Leukemia. The news devastated my husband and myself and our other relatives. Like any other parent, we could not believe that this was happening to our eldest, a bubbly 16 year-old girl, full of life, dreams and aspirations. In a mater of hours, Bea, an active 3rd year high school student of the Assumption Convent, SLV, life was changed drastically, from quitting school, missing her prom and her friends and most especially facing the uncertainty of whether she will get better. Even how difficult it was, we had to tell Bea her condition and what lies ahead for her. Her initial reaction was one of fear and anxiety as this was just such an enormous trial that a 16 year old had to face. In spite of the fear and anxiety seen in her face, Bea just asked me one question, “Will I live, mom?” In spite of the pain I was feeling, I had to be strong and told Bea that we will have to be strong and trust in the Lord. With the grace of the Almighty we will beat this disease.

The Doctors started Bea on an initial course of 7day/24 hours aggressive chemotherapy last Jan. 23, 2004 in the hope for a remission to prepare her of a bone marrow transplant. Bea has been hospitalized eight times since Jan. 20, 2004, which included two regular-course chemotherapies ( 1st on Jan 23 which had very good results and 2nd on Mar 2, 2004 which Bea did not respond to due to the increased presence of the cancer cells per her blood test last April 4), once for an infection she contacted in Feb. 15, 2004, twice for blood transfusions and once for the very aggressive High dose Chemotherapy last April 19. After 4weeks her blood tests revealed the presence of leukemia cells. This was confirmed by the bone marrow test done on June 1st 2004.

At this point Bea was described to be non-responsive to treatment and declared to have refractory acute myeloid leukemia. She cannot have more chemotherapy as this may prove too toxic if she received more. Thus, her only hope would be a bone marrow transplant. Last January, Bea’s 3 siblings have been tissue-typed as possible donors with a hope for the procedure to be done in the Philippines. Unfortunately, none of her siblings match Bea’s tissues on a 6/6 ratio.

In desperation, I searched the web last May 21, 2004 and tried my luck with the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP) and requested for a preliminary search for a donor for Bea. By the goodness of the Lord, NMDP faxed to Dr. Racho last May 24 a communication indicating that Bea had 8 potential 6/6 matches. For Bea to avail of their program, the transplant must be performed in a member transplant center of our choice, of which there is none in the Philippines. The nearest member transplant centers to the Philippines are located in Taiwan, Japan, Singapore, China and Hong Kong. Our choice center is the Tzu Chi Foundation in Taiwan. Per instruction of NMDP, our physician must coordinate and refer Bea to the coordinator of the transplant center.

Initial discussion with Tzu Chi Foundation disclosed that transplant cost would be in the vicinity of US$200,000.00, exclusive of board and lodging (when Bea is out of the hospital) & airfare. It was likewise indicated that Bea will have to stay for a minimum of 6 months in Taiwan after the transplant. In the meantime, Bea is being treated for a infection and was given a 4th course of chemotherapy to prevent a full blown relapse and in the hope of achieving a remission to increase the success of a transplant. We have started the formal search for a bone marrow donor by submitting blood samples from Bea to Tzu Chi Stem Cell Center to confirm her blood tissue type which will be sent to the NMDP.

At present, I am employed with a bank while my husband is a free lance insurance agent. We have three other children ages, 14, 10 & 7. This situation is something that we never expected or prepared for financially. With the difficulty of the times our income is just sufficient to support the basic needs of our family. I have to be candid and admit that the required $200,000.00, and existing hospital bills already amounting to P2,500,000.00, is way beyond our means. We thank the Lord, however, for generous donors who have helped us with some initial expenses including blood donations.

In this regard, may I appeal for your generosity and financial assistance for Bea’s plight in the hope to raise funds for Bea’s Bone Marrow Transplant to accord her 16 year old a chance to realize her dreams and aspirations which were disrupted because of a dreaded disease. In the Philippines you may course your donation thru any branch of Banco de Oro Universal Bank (S/A #1200066853). International donors may send in their donations thru Banco de Oro Universal Bank(Herrera Branch, Makati City) S/A # 1200059156: account of Dolores A. Liwanag.

May the goodness of the Lord be always with you.

Dolores A. Liwanag
2391 Dapdap St., United Hills Village,
Paranaque City, M.M., Philippines 1700
Tel. +6327766097, +639209081440

Please Contact:
LYN REINOSO (314)725-3961/(314)863-4114

This is a forwarded e-mail from my sister. She got it herself as a forwarded mail from Whoever maybe interested, please contact the person in the address & contact details above. Thanks so much in advance.

August 24, 2004

more of me...

Hannahlou - "Hannah" means graceful, "Lou" i have no idea

My complete name is Hannahlou Ilaliv - my mom wanted the name Hannahlou, the Ila is from my paternal grandma's name, Isabel and the Liv is from my dad because he liked this famous person so much who had the same name.

Go for a long drive, shopping, eating chocolates/sweets

For a girl-Topangga Lea; for a boy-Johann Siegfred


Love Stories

Having a child

chips & cookies

it doesn't really bother me, as long as I don't see the couple kiss

The warmth of the people, the beautiful & bountiful nature, abundance of exotic fruits...

Intelligent, Wise, Resourceful, Petite, Sexy, Cool

Stay away from people who don't deserve to be your Friend

Im not sure which is farther: Bus ride form Manila to Bicol or from Singapore to Malaysia. Both times it took us the whole night to travel.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave his only Begotten Son..."

Being saved by Jesus

Mr. Bean, Keeping Up Appearances, 'Allo-'Allo, Lady Kracker to name some

really CARED for someone

shelves filled with books, my dolls, ML's puppy, maps of the world, of Germany and of the Philippines

very confidential, won't tell

white spot in the center of blackness

not really, no

no, she doesn't like Friendster

not religiously, no.

sort of

a lot of times, yes.

yes, I have very strong passive-aggressive trait

several times, actually. I am a romantic at heart.

yes. The first time was when I was still in high school

sometimes I think so, because I smoke, because I have several relatives who had breast cancer


Lifted from AyEeN

August 21, 2004

Own Spa at home?

Well, not really, but almost! A massage parlor it can be, but all exclusive for me...hehehe!

Today, I woke up with very sore muscles all over my body. I do think I need a complete body massage. As I got up from the bed, I could hardly stand on my feet, let alone walk. ML noticed it immediately and ordered me to stay put in bed.He disappeared for a few minutes into the bathroom. He came back with the towels, my special massage oil which he bought me as a present from Egypt and some CD's which he thought would help me relax while he is giving me massage.He also brought this desk book of massage techniques that he also bought for me when he went to the U.K. a few years back. Isn't he the greatest hubby in the worl?

He prepared the bed and ordered me to lay on my back and then just started giving me massage. After the 45 minutes, i was completely relieve of the sore muscles. I rested for a while after that! Isn't that a great way to start a Saturday??? I am surely lucky I have a wonderful, loving hubby.


1. When is your birthday? October 23rd

2. If you change when your birthday was, would you?

Yes! I want how it is to feel celebrating a
birthday once every four years! I want it to be on the 29th of Febraury.

3. What was your favorite birthday party you ever had?

All of them. Each birthday celebration was special since it was always held at a different place, on a different situation and with old and new friends around me.

4. Do you have any original birthday traditions?
I guess you can say, I am "boring" cause I don't have any!

5. Do you do any of the unoriginal birthday tradions,
such as adding an extra candle for good luck, being the first to cut the
cake, or smearing your name on your cake and putting it on your nose?

I always wear something new, something old something borrowed and something in red. Like the Chinese New Year tradition...

Lifted from Daily Dirt

August 20, 2004

what happened?

I drove to Brussels Thursday around lunch time. When I arrived there, I stuffed myself with the very good adobo they had prepared. My sisters are both good cooks, so it is always to a treat whenever I visit or they come to me. Bad thing, I probably gained 5 kilos just from that sitting...heheheh!

We left Brussels already quite late since I had to rest & sleep a little after stuffing myself to death, lolzzz! On the way back, the rain was pouring so hard, not to mention the very thick fog in some areas, plus all the while talking to my sisters while trying to entertain the kids, i missed a turn from the A4 to A45....hehehe...spent some minutes trying to figure my way back home. The thing was, the exit to A45 fro A4 direction Frankfurt a. Main, was at that night for some reasons closed. They have posted detour signs, but, since I was doing multitasking, i.e., constantly hearing my nephew ask "what happened?", since it's the latest phrase he learned to say, eating chips, talking & driving in very hard pouring rain that not missing the signs was just impossible! It took me a phone call to ML, who was at a dinner meeting at that time, to ask if the direction I was heading for was the correct one....which of course, it WAS NOT! After eventually finding the right way home, another embarrassing thing happened. We had to stop by at a gasoline station to get the feeding bottle of my nephew warmed, coz he simply refused to take cold milk. Since it was already very late in the night, I assumed the customers present then where mostly truck drivers taking a quick stop & chat on their way either to deliver stuff or go back home. There were like seven sets of eyes staring at me, when I so confidently asked the man behind the counter to warm the bottle in the microwave for 30 minutes instead of 30 seconds! , if you please! REalizing the mistake I made, I immediately mumbled that i have been driving the whole day, etc..., missed a turn and very tired already at that point.

BTW, my nephew never drank the milk, guess he was probably too tired and sleepy to even bother openning his mouth to drink the darn thing, heheheh!


Friday was spent in the city doing shopping and running errands for the last minute preparations for the party the folowing day. It took us some time to find a Chinese shop where we could get "Bulad". The 3 shops that I normally frequent didn't have the ones that we wanted and the other two that we found by chance simply were closed for vacation. Kainis! We went home without "bulad", but was very much contented with the mangoes that we bought instead.

August 19, 2004

I got this link from

You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.

What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

August 17, 2004

Just a Filler

bad girls
You are Lilly, from Bad Girls. You're a gun-toting
bad-ass bitch who sticks up for her friends and
gets what you want out of men and life. You
just want your freedom, and you're willing to
go out fighting to get it!

Which Drew Barrymore Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

August 12, 2004


KAgabi, nag punta ako sa isang Sing-A-Long bar sa Frankfurt. Naimbitahan kasi ako noong isang Pilipina na una kong nakilala dito sa Frankfurt, si Soli. Nag celebrate siya ng kanyang kaarawan at tulad ng dating gawi, sing to the max kami! Ang mga boses namin, ganoon pa rin. Merong maganda kumanta, meron ding may timing pero walang tono, meron naman nag,me-mehron lang....heheheh...pero, ang sing-a-long pala na iyon ay bago na....ang management. Dati kasi iyon ay pag-aari ng magka-sosyong Pilipina at Korean, sa pagkaka-alam ko. Madalas kami doon dahil maganda ang sound system nila at talaga namang mas okay ang atmosphere compared doon sa other Filipino Karaoke sa may Sachsenhausen. Not to mention, dahil Pilipina ang part-owner, marami talaga silang Pilipino Songs. Enjoy kami pag doon kami nag pu-punta. Although, kung tutuusin, halos lahat naman sa amin ay may kanya-kanyang sing-a-long sa kanya-kanyang bahay, iba pa rin pag doon kami nagse-celebrate ng Bertdey. Talagang kantahan lang at katuwa-an. Walang ibang kahalong tong-its o mahjong, wala rin time mag chismisan dahil sa kakapili ng songs at masyado din namang maingay...tamarin na lang kaming maki pag sigawan kasabay ng nagpupumilit ilabas ang mga baga sa kaka-kanta, hahaha!

Anyway, dahil under new management na ito, medyo hindi na kami masyado natuwa sa bar na iyon. Madami silang kulang na songs. Naka sampung kanta din yata iyun na hindi nila ma-i play, kasi palaging ibang song ang lumalabas....kaya tuloy hindi nagbigay ng tip ang aming frendo noong kami ay nagsi pag uwi-an na.


Today, I am driving to Brussels to pick up my sisters and pamangkins. They will be staying with me for the next few days. Originally, the plan was that I would stay there, but somehow, we changed it. I want them to be here on the day of the "party". The thing is, they could also have just taken the train...but it has always been the same problem everytime: " sobrang mahal ng tiket, paking sheeeet!". Train ticket costs always around 100 Euros per adult roundtrip, but still. There will be three adults plus two kids, total costs is 387 Euros or around that. My nephew is only nineteen months old, so for him libre pa. But my niece is already seven, almost the same na rin sa price ng adult fare...incredible!!!

The "kuripot" side of me is coming out, hehehe! Sige nga, aminin sino sa inyo ang hindi cheapskate? Sa panahon ngayon, kailangan! I told my sisters I wuld drive over and pick them up. I love driving anyways and besides the trip to & back would only cost me 100 Euros. I know, i have to consider the mileage and wear & tear of the car, but hey, that's what the car is there for. At least for me & hubby, the car is there to drive it. Ang kotse namin hindi pang porma! We use them everyday to work, to do errands & for travelling long distance. Pag ayaw na nito umandar, then it is time to change it.

Who would I say this line to?

Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
*** Right Dills?
In two words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. S$$T HAPPENS! *** Di ba Ton’tskie?

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. *** yeah, Kally!

The best vitamin for making friends: B1. *** Take more of this LBM!

If you can't be the tablecloth, don't be the dishrag. *** To Babs.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
*** To Babs pa rin!

I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager. *** To Rowell

There are two rules for ultimate success in life: (1) Never tell everything you know. *** To myself!

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. *** My hubby would say this to me often…

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. *** You are good at this Ton’tskie…admit it!!!

Drive defensively. Buy a tank. *** To Elmer!

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There's no real need to do housework -- after four years it doesn't get any worse.

Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon. *** To Ida!

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance. *** To Dills

Don't cook tonight -- starve a rat today!

God did not create the world in 7 days; he messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.

August 10, 2004

kidnapped...part 2 (interpretation)

I started trying to analize my dreams since a couple of years back. You
see, I used to have recurring dreams all the time. They were not some
kind of nightmares, but they kept coming back. I also noticed a pattern.
For example, each time I dream about "me being pregnant", which is by
the way, at that time cannot be considered as "wish fulfillment" because
I was only in my teens then, I find out after a while that somebody
close to me, a relative or a friend is really pregnant. In this case, it
is like a pre-monition. Some relatives and some friends can attest to
this. Anyways, I started reading books about it. From where, I learned
how to remember and record every minute details i saw in my dream. The
feelings I felt, the colors, the atmosphere. The people that one sees in
the dream is not really important, since it can be just a representation
of something or someone.

In The Meaning of Dreams
The colors indicates that: I am a person who enjoys inner peace & contentment and gathers great pleasures from simple things. I have an abundance of energy and vitality to the projects which I am very enthusiastic about. I have great passion & sensitivity not only in my emotional life but in every aspect of my existence. People can feel that they can rely on me.

Seeing the "BALD" head of my hubby in the dream denotes threatened
misery and loss will be avoided by wise action. Although, the "HEAD"
normally indicates understanding & intellect. The cause of this misery,
I guess is from being careless in my personal affairs and losing
advancement by neglecting mental application, which is indicated by the
"HAIR" of the guy who punched me in the face. The punch I got in my face
from that guy means either I will receive good information/news and
monetary gain or face family quarrels. (I really find funny and

The "kidnapping" incident reffers to a change in
environment, loss of independence and freedom and fear to assume
responsibilities. This is probably triggered by this silly idea I have
about having kids. I have fears that I would not be able to do things
that I love to do whilst still single. I believe that having kids
somehow, would make our lives confined only to places activities
centering around children. I know, I am being selfish feeling and
thinking like this. Besides, I am a very impulsive person. I want to be
on the go all the time. Having a child would then make my life slower. The other fear that I have currently has something to do with my work. Right now, I cannot elaborate on it yet for confidential reasons. I guess in a months time, I can also blog about it once the deal is sealed.

August 05, 2004


Today, I woke up from a very weird dream. In my dream, it looked like i was in a province. At least, the setting didn't look like I was in a city. There was green fields, fruit trees & the house that I saw was made of wood. Not necessarily bamboo, but it was wood and it was varnished with rusty color.

In the first scene of my dream, I was with some friends. We were somehow just talking and laughing, but I couldn't figure out about what or why we were laughing. Then suddenly, somebody came out from nowhere, grabbed one of my friends and disappeared. I shouted for help from my husband. When he came, I was so shocked because he had let his head shaved off. It looked liked Mr. Clean's head, very bald and very shiny!

In the second scene, my hubby and I with two other girlfriends were walking toward this house where we knew our abducted friend was. It was some sort of a hideout for the abductors. What was weird was, they (the abductors) seemed to be having a party. Well, at least it look like they had some visitors. As we were walking towards the house I told my hubby to put his cap on, so they would not manage to identify him if ever we were sighted. At that time, I also felt confused as to why my dear hubby had his hair shaved off but I didn't bother to discuss it then. I just thought, after we finish what we have to do, which was to rescue my friend back, I would definitely confront him about the "shaved haed" thing. Right now, we have to concentrate on what we were supposed to do.

The third scene, it was so funny, becaeuse the rescuig was not so difficult at all. I went inside the house, sighted my friend who was seated in the dining room, together with the kidnappers. The kidnappers were having fun, eating, drinking and talking baout the incident when they kidnapped my friend. My friend on the other hand, sat there motionless, her face expressionless but her eyes was roaming. As if she was trying to imprint in her mind how the whole place looked like. Then, she caught my eyes. She was so still that nobody bothered with her. Then she started eating and drinking as well. I could see her stuff food in her mouth as if she has not eaten for years. Then she asked for something to drink from the hostage keepers. They gave her a blue plastic pitcher (how I knew it was plastic, i don't know. but what registered in my memory was that it was a blue plastic pitcher!) She finished drinking all of what was in that pitcher then stood up and said she wanted to go to the loo. The kidnappers just said, okay, but beware there are snakes in that toilet, then started laughing again.

In the fourth scene, I don't even remember how we did it. How we managed to rescue my friend, because I could only see and feel that we were already walking back to our vehicle with my friend who was kidnapped. I again reminded my hubby to keep his cap on, when I noticed that he wanted to take it off. Then my friend (the kidnap victime) rushed to our vehicle and went inside. I wanted to run after her, but I noticed that as we were walking towards the vehicle, there was a bush on my left side. Somehow, I sensed and felt the presence of someone there. Or subconsciously, I knew one of the kidnappers was hiding there. AS I turned my full body to checked if there was really somebody there, I saw an openned umbrella stucked in the bushes. It was again a blue thing. This time very dark blue. It was like a midnight blue color. The pitcher was very light but shiny blue. From behind the umbrella, a very tall, fat man with curly hair, wearing glasses and in a horizontally striped balck and white oversized shirt & black cargo shorts jumped in front of me. He bent down to my eye level and just said, "this is for you", then punched me right on my face. Then he grabbed me with his left arm and barbarically carried me back to the house. I could still manage to shout for help but then I noticed that my nose was bleeding from the punch and somehow, I became quiet. With the face of that tall fat guy still on mind, I passed out.

The WEIRD part:

When I woke up this morning, I had stains of blood on my right hand. I checked my nose by sticking my finger in it and indeed it bled because I found dried blood traces. I immediately went to the toilet and washed everything off. Then I went back to bed and tried to tell my hubby about the dream. While in bed, I still wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't anymore. So, I decided to check out the meaning of that dream from my "Dream Book". What I discovered from that book will be for the next entry.

August 02, 2004

projects unfinished

Here I go again. I have so many things planned. I have already started some of them, but somehow, I cannot seem to find the time to finish them. Lately, I could barely find the time to sit down just tinker around with the computer, surf the net, or let alone finish reading a book.

For example, early this year, February to be exact, we thought it is about time that we start a family. I know, I have always said that i don't want a child yet at this point, and all that blah, blah. I was even very vocal about it. I guess, somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I also do long to have one. I think, and I have heard this from every mom I know and met, "becoming a mother is the ultimate fulfillment of a woman". Maybe this is true. DEep inside me, I do have this feeling and urge to have one of my own. Now is just not the time yet, oder? Well anyway, we started planning to have a child. First thing we checked and analyzed is the regularity of my monthly period. That didn't work as expected, since well, at least until now; I am still as unpregnant as before. Then we started with the daily check of my Basal Body Temperature. This one's quite difficult for me, since I have different shifting schedule at work. Normally, I am supposed to record my body temperature at around the same time every morning before I get out of the bed. But, there are days where I have to get up at around 01:30 in the morning. Nevertheless, i still record my body temp. We would have to wait & see in the next months if this would ever work.

Another thing i planned to do was to start another site where I and several other bloggers can write something, some sort of a community where we can all share ideas useful to us Filipinas relocated outside the Philippines. This is also quite difficult to finish, since until now, I am still trying to understand how this phpbb thing and these MySQL, MS-SQL, PostgreSQL, as to how they work. At least I have already prepared the layout and the format, as if naman it would help me a lot!

Then, there are the small stuffs like preparation for the trip to the Philippines, seminars that have to be taken and arrangements for our twice a year get together here at my place. Well, we have at least done it two years in a row. Once in August and another sometime in November. So, we will have one before I would fly to the Philippines and the next one, when I come back.

I have also been trying to compile the pictures that I have in my previous online album in Topangga, which is accessible only to family members & close friends. I want to post them in my gallery but only very selected ones. I have not posted the pictures yet from the birthday celebration of my Father-in-law, because of some issues. Apparenty, some of the guests didn't want their pics posted on the net, so I am still editing the whole bunch...Hay nako, matagalang pagba-babad naman ito sa harap ng computer, I'm sure!

Of course, there is work which is constantly calling even on my days-off. It seems like there is all the time shortage of manpower in our company. To think this is not actually the case. We do have a small company but we are more than adequately staffed.

I never thought I have a really busy life until now that I took time to think about all of the things that I still have to do and prepare for. I wonder if I will ever manage them this year. At least, I am sure the baby thing will not happen this year yet. I just found out from an internet site that this could even take months (which I now know), and even years! And the parties have fixed dates. But the rest, well, I have to take each day as it comes. See which one I can finish first.

Happy Birthday Tiny

I was not quite sure how I would do this. Somehow, I thought I would write a long poem about her, but then again, I thought hey, I am not like the celebrant. Tiny my best friend, since high school, can write poems. Not just short ones, but long ones as well. The thing is, she doesn't write just crappy ones. They are really good. Once, I was already married at that time, she sent me this card, with one of her poems of course. It was soooo good, that my hubby thought I was having an affair! Or at least thought Tiny is a boyfriend. He even said, "this guy's in love with you!!!", thinking that Tiny is a male friend.

Then I thought, I would post bits and pieces of the poems that she wrote for me. But then again, I thought, those poems were made for me. I will not post them in public...hehehe, umiral ang pagda-damot! Yes, I still have them all Tiny. I even brought them here with me. When I moved to Europe, I had one shoebox filled with cards and letters from Tiny. Then, internet boomed. Suddenly, writing normal mails via the post is not the "in" thing anymore. But, Tiny religiously continued to send me poems and cards through the net. Good thing, I don't need a shoebox anymore to keep them, hehhee!

To you dear Tiny, Happy Birthday!
Painumin mo ako pagating ko jan hah, hehehe!

Oh, for all the cards and letters, thank you! They kept me company. Reading them again & again kept the memories fresh in my mind. I miss you girl!